the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
