did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
