Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I smell stomach acid.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I didn't notice because vodka
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
