Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
