my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
