I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
