ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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