She is in my trunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
