my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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