i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
