I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
