oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
