Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
