therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
