Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
