I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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