Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
