Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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