Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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