I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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