Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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