How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
