you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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