Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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