very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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