Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
