I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
