so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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