Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
