I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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