Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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