sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
