so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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