Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
