and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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