Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
