Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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