And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
