Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
