Don't you send me to vm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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