Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
