I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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