I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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