Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
