The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
now i know why i became what i already was.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
