the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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