respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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