She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
