Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
