oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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