I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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