Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
