the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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