i was born a porn star she said
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
