if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
