my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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