whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
