i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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