I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
