so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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