how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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