And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
