I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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