Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
