And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
