I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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