I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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