i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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