Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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