you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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