She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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