If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
