sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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