so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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