dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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