Pappa wants mamma naked
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
